These are the three most obvious behaviors
If you think your boyfriend is cheating on you, it’s likely their behavior has aroused your suspicions. Maybe your partner is disengaged and spending more time alone, or they’ve started hiding their phone around you.
Sure, some of the incidents could have plausible explanations—like there’s some stress impacting their personality or simple misunderstandings that could be easily resolved with a conversation. But when you don’t feel settled after talking, a lingering question may persist: What if their strange behavior does mean something? Something that would violate your trust and mean everything wrong and terrible?
I’ve written about being cheated on and the pain of being blindsided by my ex. While the betrayal was terrible, the pain became a learning opportunity. I learned how to trust my instincts and used that pain to help other people. Read on for what I consider the biggest tells that your boyfriend is potentially cheating on you.
They Don’t Address Your Concerns Seriously
When any of my clients hesitate to express their fears of infidelity to their partner, they stay stuck in a devastating anxiety spiral that can ruin their well-being.
It’s not worth it. I advise them to trust their intuition, gather specific examples fueling their paranoia, and share their concerns as soon as they can.
Despite this advice, some people want to bring concrete proof to the conversation. You might want to start poking around to find some answers. However, even when you’re justified, I still don’t recommend sleuthing through their phone and emails. Seriously, don’t do it. I’ve snooped and regretted it after. I’ll never be in a relationship where I feel like I need to do that again. The moment you invade their privacy is the moment you reveal the lack of trust and respect you have in the relationship.
Instead, talk and be open—that you’re worried about the strange energy you’re picking up on and that you need their help to feel safe. In a secure partnership, your partner will do whatever it takes to fix the issue. They’ll deeply listen, share their perspective, and put in effort to calm down your frayed nerves. If they respond defensively, dismiss you, gaslight your observations, evade your questions, or your conversation ends in a fight, that’s a bad sign.
They Accuse You Of Cheating
Projection is a subconscious defense mechanism where an individual deflects their unwanted emotions, desires, and motives onto another person. In my experience, projection can also be one of the clearest signs of infidelity. I once dated someone who didn’t like my matchmaking career. In response, I stopped going out to networking events and limited my interactions with men.
In my case, his projections were driven by his inner turmoil from his infidelity. He thought I was lying and cheating because that’s what he was doing. I’ve noticed this sign come up time and time again with my clients who are struggling to get to the bottom of what’s going on. Jealousy is a fairly normal emotion in a relationship, but it’s toxic if the baseless accusations come out of nowhere. If your boyfriend is expressing concerns about your trustworthiness without presenting any evidence, take note.
Your Intuition Says Something Is Wrong
There’s nothing seemingly wrong in the relationship but you keep getting this nagging feeling that they’re cheating on you. If your stomach drops after you kiss them or you feel an emotional distance when you’re spending time together, don’t dismiss that feeling. When your body is telling you something, it might be a good idea to drop in and listen.
Here’s another reason to trust your body–stress contagion. Meaning stress can actually be physiologically contagious,2 and the heightened cortisol can actually leak through your partner’s skin and trigger your empathetic mirror neurons, so you become anxious, too. So, if you’re grappling with anxiety and everything is seemingly OK, that could be a reason.
I trust in our intuition wholeheartedly. I believe our bodies possess an ancient wisdom that transcends logical rationale. Yes, we won’t know when our partners are cheating on us unless they admit it or we physically have evidence. But our guts will. Throughout my life, my gut has consistently functioned as a coherent guide, pulling me toward the right path even when I didn’t understand it.
Keep in Mind
In a relationship, the impact of three simple words is life-changing: “I love you” or the admission, “Yes, I cheated.” The revelation of being cheated on carries a similar weight to the feeling of falling in love—it’s unequivocal and undeniable. One thing is certain: you’ll never be the same afterward.
Some of these signs could hint at possible cheating, but you won’t know until you can get real with each other. The reality is there’s a need to have an honest discussion to unearth what’s going on, whether it’s your insecurity, an unexplained reason for their behavior, or infidelity.
If necessary, call in a therapist or a relationship coach to facilitate these conversations. The journey to uncover the truth will test your communication skills and help you figure out what to do next.
