How well do you know your partner? Asking them certain questions can help you connect on a deeper level.
When is the last time you had a meaningful conversation with your partner?
Intimate conversations can help build trust and compassion in relationships, deepening your connection.
Why asking questions (and answering candidly) deepens intimacy
When you’re transparent enough in a relationship to share your thoughts and feelings, it can strengthen your bond.
Some experts sayTrusted Source that engaging in “reciprocal self-disclosure” — revealing personal information in the same setting with your partner — can increase feelings of closeness.
If you’re feeling distant or just want to get to know your partner on a deeper level, taking the time to talk, actively listen, and build intimacy can make your relationship stronger.
Opening up to others isn’t always easy, though. That’s why asking questions offers both individuals the opportunity to feel seen and heard, and reduces the likelihood that the sharing feels one-sided.
What kinds of questions build intimacy?
Building emotional intimacy with your partner means delving beyond the simple “yes” and “no” transactional questions of our day-to-day lives, and establishing an understanding of:
what thoughts and events shaped their past
what ideas factor into their character today
what your partner presently feels they need
what values and goals make up their heart’s desire
To help build this understanding, you might want to ask more than just the typical “how are you?” and close-ended questions — instead, ask about their past, present, and future, their memories, ideas, and affinities.
Why emotional intimacy matters in a healthy relationship
When people hear the word intimate, they might presume it’s related to pillow talk. However, intimacy can refer to any acts that deepen and promote mutual validation in your relationship.
Emotional intimacy is when you can reveal your true self to your partner. It’s a feeling of trust and connection that helps keep your relationship going. Think of having a “no-filter” kind of authenticity, where someone sees all of you and accepts it.
According to 2020 researchTrusted Source, emotional intimacy can not only contribute to overall satisfaction in your relationship, but it can also (for some) be more important than sexual intimacy.
The research suggests that in terms of relationship satisfaction, those who had low levels of emotional intimacy with their partner felt uncertain and dissatisfied with their relationship. Because of their relationship dissatisfaction, they were more likely to engage in infidelity.