Life can be stressful these days, and the pressures we face can take their toll on our home life and stop us from having a happy family. How often do you find yourself unintentionally snapping at those you love as you try to cook dinner while drowning in laundry and fretting over your never-ending to-do list?
Amidst this tension, all any of us really want is to be happy. Being part of a strong and united family group features highly on most people’s wish list. But the reality is often quite different, and many families find themselves somehow disconnected from one another and not particularly content.
But it’s crucial to recognise that happiness isn’t an optional extra in life. It’s an essential requirement for good health and wellbeing.
Being part of a happy family also has a significant impact on our kids’ ability to build resilience and deal with the many challenges they will face. In their research at the University of California at Berkeley, Jeanne and Jack Block found that happy kids are more likely to adapt to change and recover from hard times.
Given how essential it is to be part of a strong and stable household to protect our wellbeing, how do we even begin to create the happy family unit we all crave so badly?
This is a simple question, with a complicated answer. Building a happy family is like building a house. It requires firm foundations and a multitude of bricks to make it resilient and long-lasting.
View each brick as an aspect of family life, constructed individually and then brought together to form a robust, stable and connected family unit.
Building a family such as this takes commitment, dedication and hard work. But it’s the most important job you will ever have as a parent. Its impact will be profound on you and those you love, both now and in the future.
Happy families are far from flawless. But they set goals and have values that they work towards achieving together. They live intentionally and with a sense of purpose, and when they do make mistakes, they have a strategy to get back on track.
In this post, I’ll outline some proven strategies that are effective in creating strong and happy families. I’ll also offer some practical tips on how to apply these within your own home. My hope is that these can help you to reconnect with those you love, create the levels of happiness you all deserve and help your family to thrive.
This is a detailed post, so if you are short of time, please use the content list below to jump to the sections which you feel may be most relevant to you:
Reset for a Happy Family
Happy Families Practise Self-Care
A Happy Family Needs a Solid Foundation
Acceptance and Commitment is Key to a Happy Family
Time Well Spent
How Happy Families Communicate
How Happy Families Live Harmoniously
Successful Routines and Schedules
Resolving Family Conflict & Effective Discipline
Instilling Family Values
Family Traditions and Celebrations
Friends and Extended Family
Happy Home-Making
Final Thoughts
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Reset for a happy family
If your family feels disconnected and struggles with ongoing tensions, then a good first step is to get together and talk about it. How this is done will vary depending on the age of your kids, and the different personalities of your family members, but it’s essential to find a way to open up the channels of communication.
You could ask your family to sit down together to have an open and honest discussion. Or it might work best to go for a walk and talk at the same time. Choose a method that feels right for you.
Be sure to maintain a positive and productive atmosphere. Allow everyone to speak and be heard. Start by discussing your family values. What’s important to each of you and why?
These may include being committed to each other, honesty, respect, integrity and hard work. A family who agrees on its core values and lives by them, creates unity and a sense of identity.
Chat about the difficulties you each face. How could you work together to overcome these?
Encourage everyone to speak honestly but not critically; to listen carefully and empathetically and apologise as necessary. Remember that kids are not born with these skills. As their parent, you need to model these for them and lead by example.
Set achievable goals and decide on manageable steps that you could take as a family to reach these. Agree to draw a line in the sand and start anew. Remember to schedule regular family meetings to review progress and adjust your goals accordingly.
Happy families practise Self care
Get yourself happy
If you want to bring happiness into your home, it’s essential to care for your own emotional wellbeing first. The same is true for all your family members. You must all learn to value yourselves as well as each other. Only then, will you be able to create a truly happy family.
Recognise that taking the time to look after yourself is time well spent and encourage each other to do the same. Find ways to manage your stress levels, indulge in some self-care and have fun with friends.
As a family, work together to provide opportunities for each of you to do what you love and spend a little time getting yourselves happy.
a happy family needs a solid foundation
Prioritise your other half
Recognise that a strong and stable family starts with you, the parents. When you and your partner genuinely commit to one another, it creates a sense of security that benefits not only you, but the rest of your family too.
All too often, parents put their relationship with each other on the back burner. But this can be a fundamental mistake. The reality is that your relationship is the base on which the rest of your family unit is built. So, take the time to nurture it; to make your partner feel loved and cherished.
Work together to provide a living example of how a healthy relationship works. Let your kids see you take an interest in and make an effort with each other. Show them how you respect and love one another and work together as a team.
A strong parental bond not only provides your kids with a clear blueprint for their own lives, but it also gives them the stability they need to thrive. It’s the healthiest gift you can give your children and is essential in creating a happy family.
So, in the business of everyday life, try to remember to make your partner feel appreciated. Smile when they enter the room and give them a kiss when they leave for the day. Thank them for all they do and be supportive. Avoid making fun of them in public and be gracious enough to let the little things go.
Prioritise time alone together. Schedule in date nights and do something fun. Research by Brower and Skogrand from Utah State University shows that most couples experience a positive impact on their relationships after going on a date, including “improved communication, increase in affection and gratitude”.
Professor Arthur Aron recommends that couples try new and exciting activities on their date nights. His research shows that those that do this seem happier in their marriages than those that stick to their familiar date night pursuits.
So, try something new. But if you’re stuck for ideas about what exciting date night experiences you could have, let me help you out. I’ve put together a list of some fun but unusual date night suggestions. It’s completely free, so why not grab your copy for some inspiration?
Acceptance and Commitment is Key to a Happy Family
Accept one another for who you are
Every family is made up of people with different personalities, character trait and interests – and yours is no exception. One of the secrets to creating a happy family is to encourage all its members to embrace these differences; to appreciate and accept each other just as they are. If you have one child who is academically gifted while another is amazingly kind and empathetic, view these as equally valuable qualities.
Regard one another’s differences as adding to the richness and diversity of life. After all, it would be incredibly dull if you were all the same!
When you can accept each other as you are without judgement or competition, it creates a home where each person feels like they truly belong; free to express themselves and respected for their ideas, insights and opinions.
Happy families commit to one another
Commitment to one another is at the core of a happy family. Knowing that there is always someone to turn to in both good times and bad, creates a sense of security, trust and wellbeing for all concerned.
But commitment requires sacrifice. There may be times when you need to drop everything and change your plans if your family needs you. But this is a small price to pay for those you love, and it will reinforce the bonds between you.
