Making amends is a gift to oneself as well as to others.
To begin, consider how you may have caused harm to someone you know or love.
The best that we can do is acknowledge the mistake, take responsibility for it, apologize, and make amends.
Offering a sincere apology and making true amends takes effort.
You can jump-start the apology-and-amends process by completing the prompts below.
A sincere apology is one of the best gifts we can give to a person we have harmed—and to ourselves.
People in all walks of life can benefit from taking responsibility, offering sincere apologies, and making meaningful amends. Even if we practice mindfulness, we are human. And in our humanness, when we are overcome by fear, anger, disappointment, or jealousy, we sometimes screw up and say or do something we regret. Then the best that we can do is acknowledge the mistake, take responsibility for it, apologize, and make amends.
To begin, consider how you may have caused harm to someone you know or love. Then, take the time to work through a step-by-step process to make a heartfelt apology.
Interestingly, while gold medal sports performances are rare, gold medal apologies are even rarer.
A gold medal example of an apology and living amends comes from Indiana Pacers’ center Roy Hibbert. In 2013 he made homophobic comments. His subsequent statement and actions demonstrate sincere remorse and true learning:
“I am apologizing for insensitive remarks made during the post-game press conference after our victory over Miami Saturday night. They were disrespectful and offensive and not a reflection of my personal views. I used a slang term that is not appropriate in any setting, private or public…. I apologize to those who I have offended, to our fans, and to the Pacers’ organization. I sincerely have deep regret over my choice of words last night.” Living his amends, Hibbert went on to express support for Jason Collins when he came out as the first openly gay NBA player.
Offering a sincere apology and making true amends takes practice. Pat Summitt, University of Tennessee women’s basketball coach, eight-time NCAA champion, and winningest basketball coach in NCAA history, wrote “How can you improve if you’re never wrong? If you don’t admit a mistake and take responsibility for it, you’re bound to make the same one again”
Apology Practice
Below are the essential elements of a true, heartfelt, and meaningful apology:
1. Take time to really understand and feel how your action, or inaction, caused harm.
2. Apologize in person, only if apologizing will not cause further harm.
3. Apologize in a timely manner, preferably as soon as you recognize the error and, if applicable, before, or at the very least immediately after, your mistake becomes public. There are endless examples of people who initially make up elaborate stories, blame others, and claim they are not guilty. And they acknowledge their mistakes and offer an apology only after the facts come to light.
4. Apologize sincerely: Take responsibility. Say “I am sorry” with no ifs, ands, or buts.
5. Be specific: Say how what you said or did was harmful, wrong, or disrespectful, or how it dishonored the game or other activity..
6. Express remorse.
7. Make amends. Do everything you can to make it right.
8. Do better: The statement “When we know better, we do better,” attributed to writer Maya Angelou, demonstrates that when we acknowledge and learn from our mistakes, we can do better.
Now it is time for you to practice. Think back, maybe through this week, maybe way back. Do you have anyone you need to apologize and make amends to?
Any time you make a mistake, you can jump-start the apology-and-amends process by completing the prompts below:
I am truly sorry that I __.
I know I harmed, hurt, offended, and disappointed __.
