My parents chose a husband for me and here’s how I decided whether their choice was right or wrong


01.How to decide if your parents are choosing the right partner for you

This is not an uncommon scene in India—when a man or woman reaches certain age and he or she is unmarried or yet to find a partner, the parents, family and friends take upon themselves the responsibility to chose a life partner for that ‘unfortunate’ (as per their definition) fellow. In most cases, this is when the ‘arranged marriage’ scenes start unfolding in a household. But there are some families who are against the concept of ‘love marriage’ and as soon as their ward reach a certain marriageable age, the hunt for a prospective life partner begins. I belong to the former classification of families; when I was about to reach the dreaded thirties and in Jane Austen’s standards an old withered maid, my parents started looking for a husband for me. And when they finally found someone, I was, like most girls of my generation, sceptical. The decision making process was a long one, but here’s how I reached at a conclusion and realised whether they made the right choice or not.

02.Instead of refusing, I agreed to meet the man

My first impulse was to say ‘no’ to my parents’ suggestions or choice. But then, I gave it a thought. I requested them that instead of meeting the family and all (like traditional arranged marriage scene) I would first like to meet the man. My parents agreed to that and a meeting between the two was fixed. I was really surprised to find my parents agreeing to my idea as I was expecting them to be a little reluctant. I learnt an important lesson that day—we sometimes underestimate our parents and like we do, they too are trying to adjust to the modern ways to getting married or having a relationship.

03.When I met the person

We had almost a formal meeting because both of us were not comfortable. However, I had made a few notes the night before about thinghs that I would like to ask him. I told him why I am reluctant to have an arranged marriage and also asked him if he shares the same opinion. That question seemed like an icebreaker and for the first time I saw him smiling. He too shared how his parents are deperately looking for a prospective partner and when my parents suggested the idea that both of us should meet first, he was really happy. It was then we started talking about our likes and dislikes. And before we realised, we had almost chatted for two hours! Soon we headed to our respective homes with the promise of keeping in touch.

04.What are the qualities I seek in a life partner

Before talking to him or meeting him again, I asked myself this important question—what are the qualities I seek in a life partner? From compatibility to emotional attachment, the list was a long one. It was then I started wondering is it really possible to find a person who had all these qualities. Even I am not perfect, then why do I seek perfection in another person? I then decided to take time to know the man chosen by my parents and avoid being a judgemental person.

05.Communication was the key to our relationship

As days passed by, we started communicating more through phone calls, mails and online chatting. We both started to know each other and accepting that we aren’t perfect alone but can make a good pair together. Slowly, we started discussing about each other’s expectations from a marriage and the life partner. I told him how I would like to focus on my career after marriage and revealed my plans for solo trips to various lesser-known destinations across the globe. He was a good listener and really supported my ideas. He also shared how he planned to buy an apartment and a luxury car. We realised that both our dreams were different but we were very much alike. Then there came a day when we decided to meet our respective families formally.

06.​And then we got married

After taking into consideration everyone’s opinion and advice (including the bride and the groom’s) the date for the wedding was fixed. So, now let me answer this question: How did I know that the life partner my parents had chosen for me was the right person or not? No, I didn’t know and that was not even the answer I was seeking. Instead of looking for the right person or the’one’, which I have been doing for years, I took a leap of faith. We may not have been emotionally attached or known each other for ages but we were not opposed to each other’s dreams. We enjoyed each other’s companies and shared a good chemistry. We made attempts to understand each other and were kind to our flaws. We knew we had complete different personalities but as team mates for life, we were ready to play the long innings of marriage. And with god’s blessing we have been married for seven years now and we are happy. All I want to say is have a little faith in your parents’ choice, take your time and communicate your thoughts—these three elements would help you take this big decision of marriage.


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