How to create a relationship of mature love


From avoiding control dynamics in relationships to working through the childhood trauma together to being vulnerable, here’s a small guide to help you create a relationship of mature love.

Relationships are mutual journeys accepting and loving yourself and your partner through all the challenges, their short-comings and also through the good times. Healthy relationships are built on the base of love, understanding, and a whole lot of communication. Sometimes we bring our past traumas into the relationship and soon it becomes a pattern and the start of a vicious cycle – this affects us, and also our partner. Mature love is learning to self-love and also communicate the way we feel to the partner so that they also know how to figure it out.

Dr Nicole LePera, Psychologist, who goes by the name The Holistic Psychologist on Instagram, is known for sharing insights regarding relationships, trauma and self-love on her social media handles. Nicole addressed the issue of relationships and how to grow a mature love in a recent Instagram post. She wrote, ” I think this little mini-guide will help a lot of you start to build healthy relationships. I’m working on this, too.


Nicole further noted down a few pointers which can help us grow a mature love and a healthy relationship that can be a space for us to grow, thrive and be in love. Take a look

Speak: We often expect our partners to know what is going in our mind and bothering us. But that is not possible and we need to understand the same. We should be mature enough to speak about the things that we want to change, and express the concern to our partners.

Be kind: A little kindness goes a long way. We often self-criticise ourselves and overthink – these further triggers us which also affects our partners. It is important to be kind to ourselves and to our partners.

Safe and secure: True emotional intimacy feels safe and secure. Trauma cycles of creating sense of abandonment within the relationship is an unhealthy trait.

Responsibility: it is important to be responsible for the actions and the words. It is also important to know a way to respond to it.

Commit to love: Doing small acts of acceptance is a powerful practice. We should also teach our bodies that it is okay to be loved by someone.

Grieve the reality: When people grow up in dysfunctional homes, they create a fantasy of a romanticised romance which will help them to escaper the trauma. But often, mature love is away from the illusion.

Work through childhood dynamics: “Until we face our own childhood dynamics/emotions and the profound impact they have on us, cycles repeat,” wrote Nicole.

Control dynamics: When control dynamics come within relationships, it creates a space of not allowing connection to grow.

Be vulnerable: Communicate about your emotions and your vulnerabilities to your partner.


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