For some, it’s an everyday occurrence. For others it might be once a week. And some couples can go for weeks without desiring each other. We are, of course, talking about how often people in a relationship have sex. So how much sex do couples have on average? Is there a concrete figure? And when is not enough sex a threat to a happy relationship? pjur love has been finding out more about how often couples have sex.
There are certainly enough women and men who worry about whether they are having enough sex in their own relationships. In fact, many even start to question whether they are still in love if problems occur in the bedroom. But there’s no baseline figure that indicates how much sex is normal in a relationship. In fact, the opposite is true. The frequency of sex can vary greatly from one relationship to another depending on your situation and personal needs. Nevertheless, we’d like to mention a study that has taken a closer look at what constitutes a normal, average amount of sex in a relationship.
The Kinsey Institute at the University of Indiana researched the average sex frequency for couples in a relationship and came to the conclusion that the amount of sex in relationships declines with age. While 18- to 29-year-olds have sex 112 times a year, which corresponds to 2.15 times a week, 30- to 39-year-olds have 86 sex sessions a year, or 1.65 times a week. The Kinsey Institute also monitored the frequency of sex with couples aged 40 and over. This age group has sex 69 times a year, which corresponds to 1.33 times a week.
But what exactly goes on in couples’ bedrooms? How often do couples have sex and should we use the figures mentioned above as a guide?
How much sex does a relationship need?
First of all, it’s important to mention that couples have significantly more sex at the start of a relationship. Over the years, the desire for a partner starts to subside. This is completely normal and has been confirmed by sex experts. In fact, the experts have even drawn up four basic sex phases that occur in most relationships:
The first “honeymoon” phase: We’ve all experienced this: You’ve got to know someone; you’ve just got together and would ideally like to spend all your time having sex with your new partner. Couples are also very open with sexuality in this phase and only see positive aspects in their partner. Depending on the relationship, this honeymoon phase can last from one to one-and-a-half years; many couples have sex much more often than once a week in this phase.
The acclimatisation phase: This phase usually starts when couples have to master the challenges of everyday life together. Couples can also start to fall into a routine in bed as they know what they can expect from their partner. In fact, it’s around this time that sexual activity can often start to decline.
The third phase is the rediscovery phase: Couples who take time out for each other despite the sense of routine that sets in at some point and plan specific times for sex regardless of how stressful everyday life is can have the best sex of their relationship in the rediscovery phase. Many are willing to try out new things and can rediscover their sex life as couple.
The last phase: Couples who want to grow old together will at some point enter this fourth and final phase during which their sex lives change automatically as a result of the ageing process. Unfortunately, the reasons for reduced sex drive increase with age, whether it’s the menopause, a decrease in performance in men or loss of libido. It’s not all bad news, however: Even many 80-year-olds have sex on a regular basis. As in many areas of life, trust and communication are the most important factors when it comes to our sex lives.
That’s more, couples in a relationship are under no obligation to have a lot of sex. After all, the individual needs of each partner have a role to play here. One partner might be up for it every day while the other might only want to get intimate once a week. If these needs don’t align in a relationship, they could be a source of conflict. The most important factor, however, is that couples speak to each other and tell their partner what their needs are. Even if a partner (male or female) experiences low sex drive, there’s still no reason to worry. There are many ways to combat this, as we outline in our articles “When sexual desire dwindles – low sex drive in women” and “Why a lack of sexual desire is common in men, too“. The most important thing here is for your partner to understand what you’re going through.
As you can see, the frequency of sex can vary greatly depending on individual needs, the length of a relationship and the age of the couple. The figures cited by the Kinsey Institute are nothing more than a rough guideline. The reality can be very different. There’s no real way of knowing how much sex a relationship needs. What’ important is that you and your partner are happy with it