When it comes to relationships, many of us are on the constant search for “the one” so that we may live “happily ever after.” The truth is that we are looking at all the wrong places because — believe it or not — the answers are inside each of us.
The myth that “My happiness is dependent on my partner” is just that: a myth.
It means that you are giving away your power and living your life by someone else’s standards for you.
If you really want to know how to have a healthy relationship, the following principles practiced by happy couples I have worked with will encourage you to evaluate your expectations.
They will stimulate you to expand your relationships to heightened levels of enjoyment and increased peace within, and integrate that wisdom into your daily reality.
This will, in the end, increase your happiness as individuals and together. Good for you, and good for your relationship.
Here are 18 tips from happy couples on how to have healthy relationships.
1. People in healthy relationships respect each other.
Without mutual respect, a relationship is doomed for failure. Respect each other’s ideas and decisions with an undercurrent of love and trust, knowing that you have each other’s goodness at heart.
2. They adapt — together.
It is common knowledge that we each grow as our relationship evolves. Don’t fight this, but embrace each other, giving each other room, and keep an open mind and an open heart.
3. They are courteous.
Real happiness has its foundation on the altar of understanding and kind words. Even if you do not agree with your partner, merely displaying calm silence, sincerity and courteous words show that you care.
4. Healthy relationships demand that partners listen more.
Talking and acting from your own viewpoint most of the time, instead of trying to see the other’s side, shows a lack of care and understanding. This does not mean that you compromise on your own ideals and inner peace. Agreeing to disagree is a quality that can be cultivated.
5. They quit playing the blame game.
When you find yourself in an unpleasant situation, it is best to get out of it as graciously as you can.
To focus on the issue and blow things out of proportion is fruitless. You can teach people to mend their faults a hundred times better by setting a good example than you can by harsh or self-righteous words.
6. They practice self-awareness.
It is a great practice to reflect once in a while on what you are contributing to your relationship. Look in the mirror and ask yourself if you are being judgmental, hypercritical, unfair, defensive, and unkind. Constantly course correct.
7. Each partner in a healthy relationship admits their mistakes.
This is one of the hardest things to do, especially when you know you are wrong. But this simple gesture will bring you peace of mind and increased love and acceptance in your relationship.
8. They celebrate each other.
Lift each other up and celebrate the small and large victories together. Sharing is caring. Be happy for each other.
9. They forgive often.
Mark Twain said it best: “Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” Forgiving, by its very act, makes you the bigger person.
Sometimes you forgive even though you know your partner is wrong. You forgive the other not for their sake, but for your own. The inner peace you attain as a result makes it all worthwhile.
10. Healthy partners love to be loved.
If you wish to be loved, start loving the other first.
Whatever you want others to be, first be that yourself, then you will find others responding in like manner to you. When each wants to see the other happy, then loving each other comes naturally.
11. They are careful how they react.
The way you react to a situation determines the outcome. If the outcome is not to your liking, then respond differently. Instead of blaming the event or your partner, look honestly at yourself. The answers may surprise you.
12. They communicate — early and often.
Sometimes we allow anger and resentment to fester. When something is bothering you, it is best to communicate sooner rather than later. In communicating, use the word “I” and not “you.”
By doing so, you are not accusing the other, merely stating how you feel. Such as “I am disappointed that…” “I resent…” “I hate it when…” and “I would love it if…”
13. People in healthy relationships appreciate each other.
Make a list of what you appreciate about your partner and your relationship. Write down what really makes you happy, and then read it often.
Sometimes it’s the little things that we need to be reminded of that help bring back the reasons and the focus on why we fell in love in the first place. Speak it out and let him know how much he is appreciated.
14. They acknowledge and let go of each other’s pasts.
We each have skeletons in our closets, instances, and events that we are not too proud of, or that have brought us sorrow or shame; relationships that have failed, or people that we would rather not be reminded of.
Let it all go. It does not serve your relationship. That was then, and this is now.
