Controlling behavior can be incredibly detrimental to a relationship. And it’s not always easy to know you’re being too controlling until it’s already damaged your relationship. That being said, there probably were a number of signs that showed that you’re being too controlling, even if you missed them.
If you want to know whether or not you’re being too controlling, here’s what you may want to look out for.
1.You Interfere With Their Friendships
You probably don’t get along with your partner’s friends, and so, you have every right to courteously voice your opinion about them. What you can’t do is dictate who they can hang out with, and who they can’t. In addition to this, you can’t make a big deal about them spending time with their friends, and believe they should be spending time with you, and you alone. It also isn’t a great idea to insist on going out with them and their friends after all, your partner needs some room to breathe.
2.You’re All Up In Your Partner’s Phone
Trust is everything. If you can’t trust your partner, you either have to figure out a solution, or find another partner. Phones are a true test of trust. If you insist on seeing who your partner calls, texts, and interacts with on social media, that’s part trust issue, part control issue. If you tell your partner who they can and can’t talk to, or make your partner feel like they can’t freely interact on social media without fear of getting in trouble, that’s taking it too far. You have the right to ask questions and say how you feel, but you don’t have the right to control who your partner can communicate with.
3. You Throw Tantrums To Get What You Want
Do you use anger to always get your way? If you do, that probably makes your partner live in unceasing fear of what you’ll do if they defy you even in the slightest. Tantrums aren’t the only signs of using negativity to have things done the way you like. You could probably be manipulating them to get things done your way, or for example, you give them the silent treatment when you get home from work, and the dishes aren’t done.
4. You Want Your Partner With You At All Times
It’s OK to want your partner to be with you at all times. It’s not OK to make your partner be with you at all times. Healthy people in healthy relationships spend plenty of time apart, even if they miss each other in the process. They do their own thing, work on their goals, hang with their friends, and see their families without their partners. A controlling partner will use anger, guilt, or shame to make sure you’re together all the time. They’ll make their partners feel like they have to turn down invites, or that they have to get home right away after work.
5. You’re The Default Decision Maker
If you make all the decisions about where you’re going, how you’re spending your money, what you’re eating or how your future will look, that’s controlling. Even if your partner is the kind of person who doesn’t like making decisions, a good partner still takes their opinions and desired into account when making plans. If you’re a controlling partner, then you live with the mindset that it’s your life and your partner is coming along for the ride. That’s not a true partnership at all.
6. You Dress Your Partner
There’s a difference between helping someone with their look and controlling it. If you’re helping, it should be because your partner has specifically asked for your help. It’s an even exchange of opinions, but your partner ultimately has the final say in what they wear. In a controlling relationship, you tell your partner what to wear, with the expectation that they have to wear it. This type of control is usually motivated by jealousy (you don’t want your partner wear things that would cause others to look at them) or embarrassment (you don’t approve of their style and want to control the image you present as a couple). Either way, it’s not OK.
7. You Dictate Your Partner’s Future
Your partner’s future, no matter how entwined it is with yours, is ultimately theirs to determine. That means if they want to go to a job, change careers, or pursue new interests, in most cases you should be a supporter, not someone they have to go to for permission. These types of big life changes should be something you discuss openly and iron out together, not something you get the ultimate say in determining.
